journal of a child
Tonight I found my old journal entries from 1999-2005 that I typed up for a Personal Progress project in High School. In the beginning the entries were quite hilarious. My childish mind spoke through the misspellings and naive words. Morgan and I had a good laugh. As time progressed, the entries got sparse, but longer. As I read, I noticed some patterns in what I wrote about.
The first was friendship. A huge majority of my entries dealt with what my friends were doing, how I felt about them, how I interacted with them, what I didn't like about them, and how I wished I had different friends. There were large time gaps in my entries at times, unfortunately, but I still got the gist of what I felt. Reading over my words, I can see a theme in my life now that has definitely been shaped by my childhood experiences. I value strong friendship GREATLY. It's a very sensitive area for me. Genuine care and concern mean so much to me because of my experiences as a child. I can be kind and loving to others, but acknowledging another as my dear friend requires a lot on both my part and that friend's part.
Anther pattern I noticed in my writing was negativity. Very few entries were about something positive. There were probably 10 entries in a row that said, "Today was boring." or "School is so boring." "The talk in church today was boring." That's what the entry would basically consist of. Other entries bashed on my friends and how terrible I thought they were. Often times I described my sisters as monsters, bossy, and mean. Fortunately this pattern has not developed into a theme of my life. I try very hard to stay positive and see the wonderful blessing Heavenly Father has placed in my life. I do think, however, that I can attribute this desire to see the goodness to the excess of negativity found in my mindset as a child. At some point, I'm not sure over what period of time, I turned my thinking around to focus on the goodness. That's not to say my mindset is all flowers and daisies now. I still have a hard time being positive sometimes. But as I read some of the things I wrote, I felt sorry for my 10 year old self, wanting to show her how okay it will be.
Those are just two of the insights I found while reading. I noticed a few other things, but there are the two big ones.
I am so grateful for what the Gospel of Jesus Christ has helped me develop into. Life is hard and there is no disputing that. But, it's also exciting, joyful, and rewarding when gone at with hard, thoughtful work. I didn't know that when I was a child, but I realize that now. I don't fully comprehend it because if I did there would be little issue with getting homework done sometimes.... :)
There is goodness all around, I just have to find it and write it down.
The first was friendship. A huge majority of my entries dealt with what my friends were doing, how I felt about them, how I interacted with them, what I didn't like about them, and how I wished I had different friends. There were large time gaps in my entries at times, unfortunately, but I still got the gist of what I felt. Reading over my words, I can see a theme in my life now that has definitely been shaped by my childhood experiences. I value strong friendship GREATLY. It's a very sensitive area for me. Genuine care and concern mean so much to me because of my experiences as a child. I can be kind and loving to others, but acknowledging another as my dear friend requires a lot on both my part and that friend's part.
Anther pattern I noticed in my writing was negativity. Very few entries were about something positive. There were probably 10 entries in a row that said, "Today was boring." or "School is so boring." "The talk in church today was boring." That's what the entry would basically consist of. Other entries bashed on my friends and how terrible I thought they were. Often times I described my sisters as monsters, bossy, and mean. Fortunately this pattern has not developed into a theme of my life. I try very hard to stay positive and see the wonderful blessing Heavenly Father has placed in my life. I do think, however, that I can attribute this desire to see the goodness to the excess of negativity found in my mindset as a child. At some point, I'm not sure over what period of time, I turned my thinking around to focus on the goodness. That's not to say my mindset is all flowers and daisies now. I still have a hard time being positive sometimes. But as I read some of the things I wrote, I felt sorry for my 10 year old self, wanting to show her how okay it will be.
Those are just two of the insights I found while reading. I noticed a few other things, but there are the two big ones.
I am so grateful for what the Gospel of Jesus Christ has helped me develop into. Life is hard and there is no disputing that. But, it's also exciting, joyful, and rewarding when gone at with hard, thoughtful work. I didn't know that when I was a child, but I realize that now. I don't fully comprehend it because if I did there would be little issue with getting homework done sometimes.... :)
There is goodness all around, I just have to find it and write it down.
Great insight! You have learned some valuable lessons.
ReplyDeleteYour journal writing abilities astound me :D
ReplyDelete