Blessings
This weekend has been one of great upheaval and I've yet to recover from it, though I do declare I'm on my way.
For those of you who don't know, missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have been allowed, for the past who knows how long, to leave on their missions at the age of 19 for guys and 21 for girls. This past weekend my church had this big meeting we refer to as our General Conference where the living prophet of God, his two counselors, and the 12 apostles on the earth today along with other church leaders all speak to the general populous of the church in 6 sessions - four general sessions two hours each, and a session for the women or young women on the Saturday prior to the general sessions, and then a session for the men, known as the priesthood session.
Now, the way it works is like this: the prophet opens the conference with a short address generally welcoming us to conference and some general announcements. Most often he announces if there will be new temples built. Sometimes he announces other changes in the general church structure. On Saturday when he opened this general conference he began as usual, gave the names of two temples that will be built in the next few years in Tuscon, AZ as well as one in Peru. Very exciting!! Then he goes on to talk about missionary work and how in years previous the age of missionaries has been 19 for boys, 21 for girls, then describes how the church has had fabulous experiences with younger missionaries who were allowed to go because of country military duties. And because of their positive experiences with those missionaries, they've decided to lower the minimum age of boys to 18 and for girls, 19.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
I AM 20. I COULD NOW GO ON A MISSION.
I cannot adequately write about how I felt at that time or in the following hours, but I can say this: I have been so confused and so turned around.
Why?
Well, you see, there's this guy that I've fallen in love with. And he's wonderful. But me saying that won't convince you, will it?
Here's an example of what he does for me. It's small, maybe insignificant to many of you, but it meant so much to me, none-the-less.
Yesterday being Sunday as well as the day after I'd felt pulled this way and that, I wanted to relax and just breathe. He and I went to his mom's house for the last two sessions of General Conference. I will admit I fell asleep during the last half hour. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. We then went back to our apartments and made dinner with his roommate/his roommate's girlfriend. By the time the food was ready to eat we'd played a bit of the game Cranium as well as talked about a few things. I felt like my Sabbath was not a Sabbath day by the time dinner was starting at 8pm.
I'd felt like this the entire day and it was starting to bring me down in such a way that I wouldn't engage in the conversation very well and just sort of sat there staring off into space, half listening, nodding when appropriate, and smiling when needed.
Spencer notice the change in my behavior and asked if I was alright. I quickly nodded my head and mumbled a quick, "Yeah," obviously not alright.
When the food was ready we were walking into the kitchen and he asked me if there was anything he could do for me. I knew I wasn't communicating what was going on in my head at all and we had talked about how I need to let him know what's going on in my head when I got into moods like this so I quickly said,
"I don't feel like today is the Sabbath and I don't like that."
"I know what you mean," he quietly replied with his arm around me and that was the end of it. I decided to suck it up and try to get to know these people he and I were with. Christ loved everyone, so I can try to do that too.
I started to clean a few of the dishes that were in the sink and all of a sudden I hear beautiful piano music coming from behind me. I turn around and Spencer has gone back to his bedroom or something, but not before turning on his Pandora station that played only beautiful piano music. Immediately I felt lifted and happier.
He knows what music means to me. He knows the effect music can have on me. I've told him about what music has done for me and how on Sunday the music I listen to is different than music for every other day. The music for Sunday is positively uplifting in every way and allows me to think. He knew this and he turned on that music. I don't know if he turned it on specifically for me because often times he turns on music while in the kitchen so this was very characteristic of him. But the fact that I mentioned how I felt and then almost immediately he did something that would help me feel better....I'll take what I can get. :)
And then with this whole mission thing that's going on - I don't know what will happen in the next few months. I don't know how everything will work out, but Spencer has told me multiple times that he will support my decision because he trust that I'll make it with the Lord. He's also said that he loves me a whole dang lot, but he loves the Lord more and if the Lord takes me away from him, then there is something else that is coming. That's not to say he'd be totally fine with me leaving. We both don't want me leaving, although the Lord might. And if that's the answer I get, I'll take it and run with it, praying for help to be joyful about it.
I can and will do as the Lord commands. I know the Lord provides a way for those who are obedient.
I've decided to start my mission papers. As step in the dark, an act of faith, a demonstration of willingness. I've got to start somewhere. If the Lord needs me in January, I'll be ready in January. If the Lord needs me to get married, then hey, I've learned a lesson that's unparalleled to anything in my life previous to this. The lesson of relying on Him. And that lesson is IMPERATIVE to take into marriage.
And then if I don't go on a mission but I'm not supposed to get married then....well, I'll have to receive a really strong impression that I KNOW is not coming from my own creation.
So that's how my life is right now. I read my school blessing and my patriarchal blessing today with deep thought and felt a peace. I just have to patiently work this out and I'll be okay. I don't need an answer right away. As long as I'm trying to listen and I'm following each prompting then everything will work out in the way the Lord has planned it to.
I could definitely use some prayers though.
For those of you who don't know, missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have been allowed, for the past who knows how long, to leave on their missions at the age of 19 for guys and 21 for girls. This past weekend my church had this big meeting we refer to as our General Conference where the living prophet of God, his two counselors, and the 12 apostles on the earth today along with other church leaders all speak to the general populous of the church in 6 sessions - four general sessions two hours each, and a session for the women or young women on the Saturday prior to the general sessions, and then a session for the men, known as the priesthood session.
Now, the way it works is like this: the prophet opens the conference with a short address generally welcoming us to conference and some general announcements. Most often he announces if there will be new temples built. Sometimes he announces other changes in the general church structure. On Saturday when he opened this general conference he began as usual, gave the names of two temples that will be built in the next few years in Tuscon, AZ as well as one in Peru. Very exciting!! Then he goes on to talk about missionary work and how in years previous the age of missionaries has been 19 for boys, 21 for girls, then describes how the church has had fabulous experiences with younger missionaries who were allowed to go because of country military duties. And because of their positive experiences with those missionaries, they've decided to lower the minimum age of boys to 18 and for girls, 19.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
I AM 20. I COULD NOW GO ON A MISSION.
I cannot adequately write about how I felt at that time or in the following hours, but I can say this: I have been so confused and so turned around.
Why?
Well, you see, there's this guy that I've fallen in love with. And he's wonderful. But me saying that won't convince you, will it?
Here's an example of what he does for me. It's small, maybe insignificant to many of you, but it meant so much to me, none-the-less.
Yesterday being Sunday as well as the day after I'd felt pulled this way and that, I wanted to relax and just breathe. He and I went to his mom's house for the last two sessions of General Conference. I will admit I fell asleep during the last half hour. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. We then went back to our apartments and made dinner with his roommate/his roommate's girlfriend. By the time the food was ready to eat we'd played a bit of the game Cranium as well as talked about a few things. I felt like my Sabbath was not a Sabbath day by the time dinner was starting at 8pm.
I'd felt like this the entire day and it was starting to bring me down in such a way that I wouldn't engage in the conversation very well and just sort of sat there staring off into space, half listening, nodding when appropriate, and smiling when needed.
Spencer notice the change in my behavior and asked if I was alright. I quickly nodded my head and mumbled a quick, "Yeah," obviously not alright.
When the food was ready we were walking into the kitchen and he asked me if there was anything he could do for me. I knew I wasn't communicating what was going on in my head at all and we had talked about how I need to let him know what's going on in my head when I got into moods like this so I quickly said,
"I don't feel like today is the Sabbath and I don't like that."
"I know what you mean," he quietly replied with his arm around me and that was the end of it. I decided to suck it up and try to get to know these people he and I were with. Christ loved everyone, so I can try to do that too.
I started to clean a few of the dishes that were in the sink and all of a sudden I hear beautiful piano music coming from behind me. I turn around and Spencer has gone back to his bedroom or something, but not before turning on his Pandora station that played only beautiful piano music. Immediately I felt lifted and happier.
He knows what music means to me. He knows the effect music can have on me. I've told him about what music has done for me and how on Sunday the music I listen to is different than music for every other day. The music for Sunday is positively uplifting in every way and allows me to think. He knew this and he turned on that music. I don't know if he turned it on specifically for me because often times he turns on music while in the kitchen so this was very characteristic of him. But the fact that I mentioned how I felt and then almost immediately he did something that would help me feel better....I'll take what I can get. :)
And then with this whole mission thing that's going on - I don't know what will happen in the next few months. I don't know how everything will work out, but Spencer has told me multiple times that he will support my decision because he trust that I'll make it with the Lord. He's also said that he loves me a whole dang lot, but he loves the Lord more and if the Lord takes me away from him, then there is something else that is coming. That's not to say he'd be totally fine with me leaving. We both don't want me leaving, although the Lord might. And if that's the answer I get, I'll take it and run with it, praying for help to be joyful about it.
I can and will do as the Lord commands. I know the Lord provides a way for those who are obedient.
I've decided to start my mission papers. As step in the dark, an act of faith, a demonstration of willingness. I've got to start somewhere. If the Lord needs me in January, I'll be ready in January. If the Lord needs me to get married, then hey, I've learned a lesson that's unparalleled to anything in my life previous to this. The lesson of relying on Him. And that lesson is IMPERATIVE to take into marriage.
And then if I don't go on a mission but I'm not supposed to get married then....well, I'll have to receive a really strong impression that I KNOW is not coming from my own creation.
So that's how my life is right now. I read my school blessing and my patriarchal blessing today with deep thought and felt a peace. I just have to patiently work this out and I'll be okay. I don't need an answer right away. As long as I'm trying to listen and I'm following each prompting then everything will work out in the way the Lord has planned it to.
I could definitely use some prayers though.
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