New growth

 

These plants, gifts from people dear to my heart, have witnessed everything that has happened in my apartment over the last five months.  You can see some of their leaves have turned yellow from inconsistent watering habits on my part.  About a month ago I started watering them consistently again and you can see some new, beautiful green growth because of that. Today as I stood in my kitchen with so many thoughts running running running through me I felt them encourage me a little bit as they shared some wisdom with me:

Our yellow leaves are from a lack of water, yes, but you didn’t give up on us.  While we’re changed because of that period of drought, we are currently thriving and bringing forth beautiful new growth because you started watering us again.  That growth is slow and doesn’t come after a week or two of the change in watering, but it does come.  Giving us time is just as important as giving us water in those moments you feel it’s too late.  Nourish us now and be patient.  The actions you take now to improve and change will bring forth fruit with time.  Be patient.  Be consistent.  Don’t give up when you’re not seeing immediate results.  You need to start consistently giving yourself water again.  Don’t give up, be patient, be consistent.  Have faith that you can grow green and lush again.

Faith is watering your dying plants diligently and wisely for weeks before they start coming back to life.  Faith is praying every day when you feel dead inside for weeks.  Faith is continuing to read the scriptures when you want to shore up your heart rather than let God in.  Faith is sitting down and getting through some research for your thesis when you can't see how it will help the end goal.  Faith is going to the gym for the third time in a week when your legs hurt from going to the gym for the first time in months. 

Faith is a hope for things which are not seen, but which are true. 

It’s true that my muscles will get stronger, but I can’t see them getting strong as I feel the pain.  It’s true that I can finish my thesis, but I often can’t see that far, especially as I read a journal article that makes no sense to me.  It’s true that God will give me answers to my needs and concerns, but I can’t see how that will happen when I’m reading the scriptures.  It’s true the God listens to me and hears me and feels my pain and that he will make everything work out in the end, but I can’t see that when I feel like a shell trying to be a human.  It’s true that plants can grow after periods of drought, but I can’t see that growth immediately after I start watering them again.

Growth is hard, people…  but that’s no reason for me to run from it.  The struggle found there is every reason to encourage that growth with faith.  It takes time.