Pushing the Boundaries

Tonight my roommate invited me to go watch an intramural soccer game her brothers and a few other girls and guys in the ward were playing. Normally I would have said no, but I decided to do something different with my day so I agreed to accompany them. 

They played a great game (we won 6 to 3) and Audrey and I had a great conversation while sitting on the side lines watching them and their tricky foot work.  At one point I said,
"I miss middle school!!"
She laughed at me in reply, "I don't think I've EVER heard someone say that."

You see, I played on a soccer team in middle school when my family lived in Maryland and I loved it a lot. Now I have a deep desire to play soccer again semi-well. It's one of those desires that always sits there down in my feet, never satisfied.  WHY?  Because I always psyched myself out by saying, "You'll get in their ways, they're all so much better than  you, you're going to make it so they don't have fun, you should just watch...etc."  So then every time an opportunity came up, I didn't take it.

There are two soccer games I've played in since coming to college.

#1 - A ward activity where there were a ton of people with good and bad players so I fit right in.  AND I LOVED IT!!

#2 - When Spencer and I were dating he would play soccer games all the time and he invited me to play, but I always said no except for the very first time.  During that game I stood in the back right corner of the field feeling extremely uncomfortable.

Two very opposite experiences.

So, back to the point I'm making.  I missed middle school because I played soccer then and still want to but can't seem to get into it.  Audrey and I continued talking and at one point she said,
"I didn't realize you played soccer.  Why aren't you on the team?"
 "I didn't know about it."
 "When the boys asked if any of my roommates played soccer I told them no! Maybe they could get you on the team."

At this point I'm starting to realize that maybe, possibly I could end up playing a few soccer games with my ward members!  I'd totally be completely comfortable around them and they wouldn't glare at me for not being very good, and that would be GREAT exercise! Ah ha!!  All of a sudden I feel like I usually do and recognize that I'm about to say, "No, I don't want that."

But I stop myself.  I DO want that.  I want to be more involved with the people around me.  I want to be busy with things other than school.  I want to learn to kick a soccer ball again.  So why should I shun it like I normally would?

At the end of the game one of the guys asks me the same question without encouragement from Audrey.
"Amelia, why aren't you on the team?"
I again reply, "I didn't know about it."
Then, miracle of miracles, he says, "Well, let's get you on the team! Would you come?"

HECK YES I'D COME!

"Yeah! I would!"

"Let's see if we can kick one of the guys off that never comes and then there will be a spot for you."

Wait, is this really happening?  Am I letting my life go outside of my set boundaries?  Am I really wanting this??

YES.

Now, all I have to do is wait and see if it works out.  Even if it doesn't, this has been an AWESOME experience just from my ability to contemplate something new and not accept my situation as my fate.