scrape upside the ankle
The Lord works in mysterious ways. Sometimes those ways are through people, through music, through an unforeseen string of events, or maybe even a breeze passing by. But guess what? All of these examples are happy, good, gentle things. Sometimes the Lord decides that you've got to have something to make you stop, look around, and notice your life and the happenings in it. That's what happened to me on Sunday.
I got a nice scrape on the back of my ankle as I closed our apartment door. For some strange reason, I didn't move my foot as I walked into the apartment, bringing the door with me, and then all of a sudden I was in a GREAT deal of pain. I limped, wobbled, or dragged myself (whichever description you prefer) over to the kitchen table, taking deep breaths, trying not to even give the tears a chance to form let alone fall to their death. This scrape was the rice grain that tipped the scale though and eventually, with Lindsey knowing everything and taking care of me, I could no longer handle everything life had thrown at me in the past while and just started sobbing. It was actually a pretty funny scene: I'm sitting on the bathroom counter, a foot in the sink, the water on full blast, my face buried in Lindsey's shoulder....so picturesque, right? Haha....
Now, why am I saying all of this? I don't know. Maybe I'm tired of cooping up all my emotions and now it's time to just let them go. No more facade, no more stone for a face, no more hiding behind smiles. That's not to say my smiles aren't real. They are. No question there. I love smiling. I have a passion for smiling and laughing. This is the raw truth. But, that's not all there is too me. There is so much more than a smile and a laugh. There are tears, there are furrowed brows, there are hands that slam things on the table. But then, after those happen, my voice leaps from my throat, laughing at the tears, the furrowed brow, and the impatient hands. Truly. I slam something than laugh at my silliness not 10 seconds later. What's the point in getting frustrated?? There is none. It gets me no where. So I laugh, clear my head, think rationally about the issue at hand, and find a solution.
Those hands also do so much good though. I know I do good things with my life. I know my smile helps people at times. I know my laugh can brighten days. I know my tears aren't wasted and I know I slam things so I can understand when others want to slam things too. I get scrapped up and pushed around by life so that I can learn to be happy with whatever happens, so I can rely purely on the Lord, and so I can help others when their hard times come too.
As this new scrape has revealed the raw flesh underneath the dead skin, it's also opened me up to allowing those closest to me to see more than the hard, crust of me. I'm slowly but surely learning to show them my raw self - who I really am. It's taken a bit of time to realize it's okay to do that, but I'm understanding with this past week come and gone that sometimes, relying on those around you and not guarding yourself is the only way to keep going. So for now, that's what I shall do.
The Lord knows me so well and knows how to talk to me. He understands my situations, and He wants to help me change it in many aspects. And guess what? I can do that if I read, pray, ponder, act, and reach out. Relying on him, giving him my burdens, and then letting Him do His thing - trusting him - is an integral part of anyone's relationship with him. Join me, if you please, in striving to be a little more trusting, a little more happy, and to stand a little taller this week. :)
I got a nice scrape on the back of my ankle as I closed our apartment door. For some strange reason, I didn't move my foot as I walked into the apartment, bringing the door with me, and then all of a sudden I was in a GREAT deal of pain. I limped, wobbled, or dragged myself (whichever description you prefer) over to the kitchen table, taking deep breaths, trying not to even give the tears a chance to form let alone fall to their death. This scrape was the rice grain that tipped the scale though and eventually, with Lindsey knowing everything and taking care of me, I could no longer handle everything life had thrown at me in the past while and just started sobbing. It was actually a pretty funny scene: I'm sitting on the bathroom counter, a foot in the sink, the water on full blast, my face buried in Lindsey's shoulder....so picturesque, right? Haha....
Now, why am I saying all of this? I don't know. Maybe I'm tired of cooping up all my emotions and now it's time to just let them go. No more facade, no more stone for a face, no more hiding behind smiles. That's not to say my smiles aren't real. They are. No question there. I love smiling. I have a passion for smiling and laughing. This is the raw truth. But, that's not all there is too me. There is so much more than a smile and a laugh. There are tears, there are furrowed brows, there are hands that slam things on the table. But then, after those happen, my voice leaps from my throat, laughing at the tears, the furrowed brow, and the impatient hands. Truly. I slam something than laugh at my silliness not 10 seconds later. What's the point in getting frustrated?? There is none. It gets me no where. So I laugh, clear my head, think rationally about the issue at hand, and find a solution.
Those hands also do so much good though. I know I do good things with my life. I know my smile helps people at times. I know my laugh can brighten days. I know my tears aren't wasted and I know I slam things so I can understand when others want to slam things too. I get scrapped up and pushed around by life so that I can learn to be happy with whatever happens, so I can rely purely on the Lord, and so I can help others when their hard times come too.
As this new scrape has revealed the raw flesh underneath the dead skin, it's also opened me up to allowing those closest to me to see more than the hard, crust of me. I'm slowly but surely learning to show them my raw self - who I really am. It's taken a bit of time to realize it's okay to do that, but I'm understanding with this past week come and gone that sometimes, relying on those around you and not guarding yourself is the only way to keep going. So for now, that's what I shall do.
The Lord knows me so well and knows how to talk to me. He understands my situations, and He wants to help me change it in many aspects. And guess what? I can do that if I read, pray, ponder, act, and reach out. Relying on him, giving him my burdens, and then letting Him do His thing - trusting him - is an integral part of anyone's relationship with him. Join me, if you please, in striving to be a little more trusting, a little more happy, and to stand a little taller this week. :)
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