Once a child, always a child.
Today I had a Spanish oral exam which I know I did not do well on. I forgot how to conjugate verbs for the future tense and everything I had to explain was pretty much in future tense. No good. At the end of my exam, my professor asked me how I thought I did and I related the aforementioned feelings to him. Now, my BYU professors tend to criticize their students by first uplifting them and telling them what they did well. I have seen this pattern in many professors and been told to do this on peer evaluations many times.
So, what goodness could my professor have to say about my terrible performance?
"Let me tell you what you did well! You weren't familiar with the conjugations, but you went for it anyway. You put yourself in an uncomfortable position to say what you knew how to say, and so many students don't even touch things they aren't comfortable with. You weren't sure about it, but you tried it anyway. That's really great!"
While he said this, a memory came to mind from 1st grade. I was sitting in the back row of desks waiting for my teacher to come check off my work. We were writing something about something. I don't remember. There were at least 4 sentences below a picture I had draw on my paper. When my teacher, Ms. Emmons, got to me, she read through what I'd written and noticed I spelled "animals" incorrectly, but instead of criticizing me for spelling it incorrectly, guess what she said?
"This word is spelled incorrectly, but I'm so proud of you for trying to spell it even though you didn't know it. That's a big word!"
She then got the attention of the class and said something along the lines of, "When you don't know how to spell a word, don't ignore it and find a different word. Try to spell it out, like Amelia has tried." I felt so validated. Even though I had spelled 'animals' incorrectly, I knew I had done my best and now I could learn more!
These two experiences are SO similar and it made me think of how children often times demonstrate characteristics they carry with them for the rest of their lives. I hear stories about a guy who overcame some serious physical restrictions received from a car crash because he had a great ability to work hard and have determination. Those characteristics were shown since his childhood.
Stories like that little boy always irritated me a bit because I saw in myself only negative characteristics I've carried through life. My temper, my selfishness.... and then any good characteristics I have now, I've only developed through thought and reflection. It gives me the view that I was a bad little child and I have to work hard now to rectify my misdeeds.
That is completely and utterly incorrect, and I must thank my professor today for beginning my thought process about this.
Apparently, ever since I was a little child, I've tried to do things I have been taught about but don't entirely know how to do. This, however, is only the surface understanding. Going further, I realize that I can NEVER rectify my misdeeds from childhood, regardless as to whether or not those misdeed were ever actually there. I should not make room in my life for regrets from my past. I must learn from them for sure, but I can not let them own me.
How is this accomplished?
Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
So, what goodness could my professor have to say about my terrible performance?
"Let me tell you what you did well! You weren't familiar with the conjugations, but you went for it anyway. You put yourself in an uncomfortable position to say what you knew how to say, and so many students don't even touch things they aren't comfortable with. You weren't sure about it, but you tried it anyway. That's really great!"
While he said this, a memory came to mind from 1st grade. I was sitting in the back row of desks waiting for my teacher to come check off my work. We were writing something about something. I don't remember. There were at least 4 sentences below a picture I had draw on my paper. When my teacher, Ms. Emmons, got to me, she read through what I'd written and noticed I spelled "animals" incorrectly, but instead of criticizing me for spelling it incorrectly, guess what she said?
"This word is spelled incorrectly, but I'm so proud of you for trying to spell it even though you didn't know it. That's a big word!"
She then got the attention of the class and said something along the lines of, "When you don't know how to spell a word, don't ignore it and find a different word. Try to spell it out, like Amelia has tried." I felt so validated. Even though I had spelled 'animals' incorrectly, I knew I had done my best and now I could learn more!
These two experiences are SO similar and it made me think of how children often times demonstrate characteristics they carry with them for the rest of their lives. I hear stories about a guy who overcame some serious physical restrictions received from a car crash because he had a great ability to work hard and have determination. Those characteristics were shown since his childhood.
Stories like that little boy always irritated me a bit because I saw in myself only negative characteristics I've carried through life. My temper, my selfishness.... and then any good characteristics I have now, I've only developed through thought and reflection. It gives me the view that I was a bad little child and I have to work hard now to rectify my misdeeds.
That is completely and utterly incorrect, and I must thank my professor today for beginning my thought process about this.
Apparently, ever since I was a little child, I've tried to do things I have been taught about but don't entirely know how to do. This, however, is only the surface understanding. Going further, I realize that I can NEVER rectify my misdeeds from childhood, regardless as to whether or not those misdeed were ever actually there. I should not make room in my life for regrets from my past. I must learn from them for sure, but I can not let them own me.
How is this accomplished?
Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
You got it, baby! Keep going, keep trying. And remember you are doing lots of good things every single day of your life, no matter what the struggles are. You're doing a lot of things right.
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